Paxton Legacy 1.4 – Burying the Hatchet

Trigger Warning/Disclaimer: The topic of abortion is touched on briefly at the beginning of this chapter. If this is a sensitive subject for you, I recommend skipping the first four paragraphs. Just a friendly reminder that this story remains purely fictional, and as such, I hope no one is offended by it. The thoughts and views of my characters in no way reflect my own.

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My feet pounded against the sand as I tried to purge the troubled dreams that continued to invade my sleep the only way I knew how. When I looked at my reflection this morning, there had been dark circles beneath my eyes and a shadow of that darkness within the shallow blue gray pools of my eyes that stuck with me even after waking. I carried it with me wherever I went, and I hated it. Soon I wouldn’t even be able to run away from my problems because the growing reminder in my womb would take even that one last thing that was mine away from me. I hated it, too. And I hated myself for hating it.

I knew if anyone could hear them out loud they would be appalled by the thoughts in my head. Maybe it was time I stopped feeling so damn sorry for myself, and start thinking about this fragile person that I would soon be responsible for. Just because its father was a monster doesn’t mean it will be too. But still, I hated it. Mostly because I feared it just as I feared everything and everyone else. How can I love something that was forced on me? It was like an alien had invaded my body, and part of me wished I could get rid of it. But then, I had already tried that once. I hadn’t been able to do it the first time, and I wouldn’t be able to get rid of it now. There was a part of me that wanted to believe something good could come out of all of this. This baby could be that good.
A few days after discovering I was pregnant, I searched for the nearest clinic to terminate the pregnancy. I was ashamed of myself, but even greater than that was the overwhelming dread that filled my entire being at the mere thought of carrying Caleb’s child. Of making that abhorrent monster a father. I had taken his abuse over and over again, but I would never put an innocent child through that. I convinced myself that an abortion was the only way to protect it, and I honestly believed it was the right thing to do.
I only made it as far as the front entrance to the building. I didn’t even make it over the threshold before the doubt set in, and in an instant, I realized this wasn’t what I wanted. This baby was half his father, but it was also half of myself. Not evil. Just a baby that had no choice in who its father was. In that moment, I made the decision to leave. Over the years I had saved loose change in the couch cushions and dollar bills crumpled in the pockets of Caleb’s jeans, so that I could leave him when the time was right. But I was always too afraid to leave knowing I had nowhere else to go. My mother passed away nearly a year ago, and Caleb had isolated me from all of my friends. This baby, however, changed everything. Before I couldn’t leave to save myself, but I could to save my baby from a life of abuse by an alcoholic father.

The world was waking around me, boats and jet skis flying across the water filled with tourists enjoying the final days of summer. Though summer was coming to a close, the islands never experienced true winter. The days here were always sunny, truly a tropical paradise. So very different from back home where you could experience all four seasons in their glory. Home sickness washed over me, and I was surprised by the feeling. While I grew up there, that place now held nothing but bad memories for me. Not that it was all bad, but I could never go back as long as Caleb was around, waiting for me to return.
At first, I didn’t notice the sound of another set of feet pounding the earth, but a lull between speeding boats allowed me to hear them drawing closer. I slowed to glance behind me, and of all the people to run into, Ryan Church jogged along the beach to my side matching my pace. Twice. I had now encountered my neighbor while jogging on this beach twice now. I need to start running somewhere else.

“Hey, neighbor.” He flashed me a grin in greeting. “Come here often?”
I stared at him blankly not in the mood for flirtatious banter. “I run out here every morning,” I panted, answering him between breaths.
Ryan chuckled. “It was a joke, Bay.”
Instead of answering him, I focused on the sand beneath my feet, putting one tennis shoe clad foot in front of the other hoping to avoid as much conversation with this man as possible. When he didn’t offer up another lame attempt at a joke or a discussion, I peeked sidelong at him still running alongside me. The morning light lit up the sharp angles of his face, and I huffed out a breath at my ridiculous feeling of attraction towards him. His golden-brown hair practically glowed in the sunlight, and my fingers itched to run them through it and feel for myself if it was as soft as it looked.
“I didn’t ask for a running partner,” I remarked hoping to clear the nonsensical thoughts from my head.

Ryan came to an abrupt halt, and it took me a second to realize he had stopped running. Skidding in the sand, I turned on my heel to face him. That heart stopping smile of his pulled at his lips. “Bay, I know we don’t really know each other that well. We’ve only spoken to each other a few times, and those conversations didn’t last very long. But- look, I’m just going to say it, and if the answer is no, I understand.” He looked as if he was about to speak, then hesitated as if rethinking what he was about to say. Whatever it was it seemed important, so I waited for him to work up the nerve to say what he obviously chased me down to tell me. “Are you free tomorrow night?”
I blinked. Then I blinked a second time. “For what?”
He huffed out a laugh, still a little breathless from our run. “Would you like to join me for dinner tomorrow evening?” My mouth hung open, but words wouldn’t form on my tongue. Ryan found them before I could. “I think you are beautiful and that you are a genuinely nice person-”

“You don’t even know me.” I blurted, my voice coming out breathy and a bit incredulous.
“KK had a lot of great things to say about you, and I think she’s right when she says that we could have a lot in common. And I would like to get to know you better. You know, like on a date,” he smiled shrugging his shoulders.
KK was Ryan’s strange pet name for Korie, and after a moment of confusion, I began to understand. “Wait. Wait. Are you saying that Korie convinced you to ask me out?”
Ryan’s smile faltered. “Is that a bad thing? I thought you two were good friends. I’m sorry, I was under the impression that you were interested in getting to know me too. Korie made it sound like-”

“I can’t believe her!” I interrupted Ryan’s train of thought talking more to myself than to him. Looking up, I noticed his usual smile had fallen from his face, but I felt too betrayed by my best friend to care too much. “I don’t know what Korie has said to you, but I’m not looking for a relationship right now. I promise it isn’t you. I just can’t complicate my life any further right now. I have to go.”
Without giving him a chance to respond, I took off running towards my beach rental with a fire burning in my belly. I had explained over and over again to Korie that I was not interested in pursuing a relationship with anyone, especially Ryan Church. How many times had I told her that no man would want to be with a pregnant woman? And that she was banned from trying to set me up with anyone even if she did believe that Ryan wouldn’t care if I was carrying the child of another man? Her betrayal of my trust blurred my vision, and I let the tears fall not caring if anyone saw. I needed to have a talk with my supposed best friend.

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It has been well over a month since I was forced to spill my secret to Korie, and so far she had kept her word not to tell another soul. We were becoming incredibly close, as she predicted the first time we met, and it was nice to have a close girl friend again. Someone to talk to when I needed an ear to listen, and her tell-it-like-it-is personality has been exactly what I needed. If I needed someone to tell me the truth, Korie never failed me. I was finally beginning to trust someone other than myself again, and she went behind my back without a second thought. I think that’s why her deception affected me so deeply.
By the time I arrived at the café for my shift, the hurt I felt had deflated somewhat and the guilt I felt for leaving Ryan standing rejected on the beach rose. I should have been more sympathetic towards him and not so callous of his feelings, but my own feelings of anger and hurt had made me oblivious of anything else. The words I had directed towards him had been nothing but cruel to hopefully push him as far away as possible. Our conversation on the beach played itself over and over in my head, and each time sounded worse than the last. I decided after my shift that I would go over to his house and apologize to him in person.

Work at the café was slowing with the decrease of vacationers, so more often than not the place was empty. Usually around lunch and dinner, every table would fill with customers, but between those times we might get the occasional couple or individual stopping by for a drink or appetizer to kill time. Now was one of those times that we weren’t busy, so I made quick work of finding Korie, who was already talking to Fletcher in the kitchen, and pulled her aside so I could find out what she said to Ryan about me.
“Did you tell Ryan that we have a lot in common and that he should ask me out on a date?” I hissed to avoid being overheard by any prying ears.
“Yes,” Korie answered without missing a beat.

The anger building back up inside of me deflated at her outright admittance to trying to set me up on a date. I wasn’t sure what I had expected. Korie wasn’t the kind of person to beat around the bush, so of course she owned up to what she did without any excuses or evasions. With the anger gone, all that was left was the stinging hurt of her deception.
“Why?” I breathed the one-worded question, unable to come up with anything better to say.
Korie held up her hands in an apologetic stance. “I know you said that you weren’t looking for a relationship right now, and I went behind your back and did exactly what you asked me not to do. I’ll own up to that. You might think that I am being a bad friend, but I promise my intentions were the opposite. You are single and seem to be in a lonely place right now, and Ryan is single and a great guy. I’ve known him forever, and I just want my friends to be happy. Even if it didn’t work out, you know romance wise, I think it would do you both some good to at least get to know each other.” She sighed dropping her hands.

“Look, B. I don’t know your exact situation, from before.” Korie stressed the word, referring to my past that I hadn’t completely trusted her with yet, and I shifted my feet trying to avoid her gaze. “But,” she continued, “I know it has something to do with whoever did this to you.” She gestured to the concealed bump beneath my hideous bright yellow work shirt and lowered her voice when one of the wait staff walked past. “Whoever he was, whoever hurt you, Ryan isn’t like that. I think you should consider giving him a chance. You don’t have to date him, but he’s a really good listener and an even better friend. Just, don’t push him away yet.”
I was stunned by everything Korie had said, and once again surprised by how easily she saw right through me. The only response I could give was, “I can’t make any promises.”
Korie shrugged. “Fair enough. But give the guy a break will you? He’s got it bad for you. And he’s headed this way, so be nice!”

I turned to look in the direction Korie was looking in as she walked past me and toward an elderly couple seated in her section. She waved and smiled to Ryan as she walked by and pointed at me directing him to where I stood. By the look on his face, he didn’t seem to be at all bothered by our conversation on the beach earlier that morning or how quickly I had cut it short and ran off. Guilt for being so careless of his feelings ate at me.
“Hey,” Ryan greeted me with a ghost of a smile on his face. “I had a feeling this is where I would find you.” He seemed less enthusiastic to see me than he did this morning, but at the same time, he was happier to see me than I thought he would be after the way I treated him.
“Hi, Ryan.” I greeted back slightly embarrassed.
“I’m sorry I-”
“I shouldn’t have said-”

We both started to speak at the same time then stopped when we realized the other was talking. In unison, we let out self-conscious laughs waiting for the other to continue. I twisted my fingers together in front of me nervously, and Ryan ran his fingers through his already wind tousled hair before his full mouth cracked into one of his trademark grins.
“Please, let me go first.” He rubbed the back of his neck with one hand and held the other palm up in front of him contritely. “I’m sorry if I came on too strong earlier. I honestly believed you knew that Korie talked to me about us.”
“I’m sorry that I reacted so badly,” I admitted with remorse. “It came as a- surprise to me.” He’s got it bad for you. Those were the words that Korie used. Were they true? We barely knew each other. I internally admonished myself. I already knew that Korie was always truthful. At least she was until she tried setting us up after I made her swear that she wouldn’t. I didn’t know what to believe anymore. “I shouldn’t have said those things. They weren’t considerate of your feelings.”

“Ah, it’s alright. No need to apologize.” Was I imagining things or did he just blush? His cheeks appear redder, but it’s hard to tell behind that tan and the blistering heat. He cleared his throat. “Just to uh, be clear. That was a no to the date, right?”
“It was a no,” I answered him truthfully hurrying to explain myself by the slight dejected look he gave me. “And I was being honest when I said that it had nothing to do with you. Really. You seem like a really nice guy, and you are very- handsome.” I made myself say the word despite the heat burning in my cheeks. “I’m just coming out of a bad relationship, and I’m not looking to get into anything else right now.”
“You think I’m handsome?” Ryan lifted a brow teasingly at me, and a genuine laugh escaped my chest.
“Don’t let it go to your head.” I smiled, gently teasing him back, and he returned it.

Ryan let out a throaty chuckle, and warmth flooded my body at the sound. “So, friends then?”
“Yes,” I agreed. “I would like that.”

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A/N: Today is my birthday, but you guys are getting the present! *makes awkward finger guns* Aha, just kidding lol. It really is my 24th birthday though, and I wanted to get this chapter posted before the day was over. I’m barely squeezing it in, but I did it. I had some delicious TexMex takeout for dinner and chocolate cake for dessert courtesy of my awesome parents since my hubby is out of town working – boooo. Just an update for everyone, I downloaded ReShade a little while back and have been tinkering with it. I posted a picture to my Tumblr account that I rarely ever post to, so I think maybe one or two of you have seen it there. I’ll post it below for the rest of you to admire haha. It took me FOREVER to get this crap installed and somewhat working, but so far it has been a giant pain in my butt. I’m having trouble getting it to work, so this chapter’s pictures obviously were taken without it. I hope here soon I will figure out how it all works. Until then, enjoy my normal unedited pictures. Thanks again for taking the time out of your day to read and comment on my story. It means the world to me! The next chapter is our first flashback so stay tuned.